Current mood:

introspective

Oh dear. I seem to have fallen into the pattern whereby the idea of actually going to bed seems like too much effort, so you sit staring at a computer screen into the wee hours of the morning, compulsively refreshing LJ and being bored silly. I have a headache. I'm waiting for a post to be approved on fanart100, though, so I can post a link to it here, because it's cute *g* I'm getting really into this whole fanart thing. OMG. I'll probably burn out before I get to 50, but you never know. It's a lot of fun, even if y'all are getting sick and tired of Pansy already ;)

ETA: Ah, there it is!

You can pretend they're daft and inaccurate self portraits, if it makes you feel better! Some of them kind of are, anyway *s*

On that note, I had some Thoughts about Pansy - or...fanon Pansy...or possibly my own personal fannish construct of Pansy - and why I have become so fond of her recently. My own idea of her is quite heavily influenced by adjudicated and sarahtales, and she's kind of a sexed-up not at all pretty* but still hot character who's quite a departure from the bitchy, pug-faced girl from the books. I think "my" Pansy's hotness comes from amazing, alarming, intimidating self confidence and the personal certainty that "I am sexy, damn it, and anyone who doesn't see that is obviously stupid and not worth my time." She's generally to be seen (in my art) sardonically seducing hapless boys or telling them off for being annoying (generally with physical violence). She's aggressively sexy, but also selfish, jealous, bitchy, volatile and deeply insecure, and not afraid to show any of it (except the insecure part). I think she's kind of a mad, super-intense slightly unhinged mixture of what I wish I was and what I fear I am. Ugly, nasty, jealous, shallow, but also in control, compelling, fascinating, strong, defiant, and really hot (no prizes for guessing which is the fear and which the fantasy *g*). I've stopped drawing her with a beauty spot because that feels too much like making her Me, like I'm putting a sticky label on her that says "this is M-ra's heart, please stomp on it at your leisure." It's kind of embarrassing, really. Makes me think of the post glockgal put up about art praise being like body image. I feel proud when someone tells me "my" Pansy is hot. Part of it is pride at a job well done, at being able to produce art that looks 'right', and is skillfully executed enough to make a non-realistic character look attractive. But part of it is that if I can't be hot, then at least one of us is *s*

This icon is pretty irrelevant, but I love it to bits :D


*Though I draw her pretty because I can't help it. I like her too much not to. And I don't see why a turned up nose has to make you unattractive. *touches own nose self-consciously*